Speaking to Eunice on MSN at this time and realised that i totally wasted 2 years of my prime on a man who obviously doesnt appreciate the things ive done.
2 years on one man - totally record breaking for Amby.
Well done!
Its so annoying when i only slept for one hour and im feeling so awake at this unearthly hour. I really wanna get some rest, but i only managed to sleep for an hour and i got woken up, by nothing, and i cant fall back to sleep!
Its so weird, because .. i am such a sleep-er. I can sleep till dinner time every weekend and still wanna sleep even longer. Gosh ....... there's absolutely nothing to do at 5am in the morning except to sleep!!
Time flies, its August .. 3/4 a year is almost over and my life is still very messed up. Im starting to get a little afraid of what my future holds. What am i gonna do when Oct comes? I think ive wasted all my time this year, holding on to something which have no values at all.
August was beautiful in 2008, it was. This August, i wanna make a change. I wanna stop living in the August which passed 12 months ago. This relationship, lets call it an end. One year of many emotions turned me extra vulnerable. Looking back at my past pictures, i cant help but to feel that i am looking so..haggard and unhappy.
I think i looked prettier when i first started working, im looking so wan right now and every mornings when i look into the mirror, i heaved a loud sigh because i find myself so unattractive.
I should stop, living in my own deluded world. Stop indulging in gambles that is burning a big hole in my pocket. Stop smoking my life away and start to appreciate the little finest things in life.
Are you willing, to walk this path with me? ;)
I wish i could tell you i miss you,
and i wish you would know how much i wanna talk to you.
But everytime i see you, i lost my courage to make conversations,
only because im afraid that they will turn out in serious accusations.
Im so afraid to talk to you, no matter how much i want to.
I hope one day you see this,
and you'll tell me "hey silly, there's nothing to worry about, lets be friends from scratch".
But i know it will never happen, because to you, im just a childish bitch.
Im sure you dont know how hard it is to pretend you never exist,
Because it seem so easy for you.
Its been a month, and my heart still aches the moment i thought about your reaction and things you said that night.
But if i could, i'll love to tell you .. i miss talking to you.
I seriously think my life is meaningless. I wake up every mornings only to realise i have to live my day by pleasing everyone, against what i wanna do.
It is so tiring, and many times i feel like giving up. Giving up on my life, to just .. end it all. Im really, really tired of living.
I know it stupid, i know it myself. But when you have a life like mine, i think that's what you just wanna do too.
Please, juet let me go.
Let me be who i want, and do what i want, even if im wasting my life away. Drink, smoke, gamble, whichever.
Please, just leave me alone.
Dont include me in your conversations, in your gossips, in your spite list.
I just wanna be free, stop stressing me, stop pushing me.. my will power has its limitations, i can just feel that its gonna snap.
Stop, before i break apart. Just let me be.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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